Aai and I: A story that talks about the transcendental relationship between mother and daughter with changing realities in the light of a terminal illness.

The palpable emotions in the group could be felt as we gathered to read Aai and I by Mamta Nainy, illustrated by Sanket Pethkar. It is a tender story about Aadya, a little girl navigating her changing relationship with her mother who is coming back from the hospital after cancer treatment - her identity and her emotions stirred by illness and separation. The session was facilitated by Shruti Doss and Sanjana Sarin from the Cancer Care Collective.

We began with a check-in, setting an intention to hold space for our feelings, grief, anticipatory grief, and the complex emotions tied to illness, caregiving, and family bonds. Participants shared personal experiences, and a sense of community, connection and curiosity guided the conversation. The discussion was both reflective and intimate, spanning over a number of topics and personal experiences. Themes of identity, body image, and intertwined relationships emerged strongly, particularly through the motif of hair. As one participant shared while discussing the importance of hair within beauty standards, “I don’t want to associate my hair with my very existence.” This opened a larger conversation about how cancer changes the body and the profound ways it impacts both the patient and their loved ones. Participants reflected on the fear of losing people, the slow and often uncontrollable changes in a parent’s body as time passes, and the enduring need to hold on to something that nourishes the soul.

Association of hair with beauty standards

The session also explored symbols in the story, the swing as a pendulum of time, the importance of hair and our physical similarities with loved ones, how pets can be incredible companions and sources of support, and how children and adults experience and hold on to hope in different ways.

Holding on to hope - as children and as adults

Connections and relationships surfaced as a deeply resonant theme. One participant beautifully shared, “Connections stay long after people have gone.” The discussion was enriched by the evocative lyrics while we flipped through the beautiful and emotional illustrations of the book:

“Saawan Beeto Jaye Peharwa Mann Mera Ghabraye Mann Mera Ghabraye Aeso Gaye Pardes Piya Tum” A reflection in the form of a lyrics shared by a participant

Another important theme of discussions was how children notice and process grief. Participants noted that kids notice so much and process in their own ways, even when adults try to shield them. Familial processing and expressing of loss and grief deeply impacts children, and it was reflected that “so what if they’re children? It’s right to always be honest.” Other reflections included the role of community support during illness, multi-generational caregiving, and the subtle gestures of love that endure even in difficult times. We also held space for the inevitable ways we carry forward our parents’ actions and similarities; this was experienced with both joy, and the fear of being like our parents. We closed the session holding space for everyone’s emotions, honoring the different forms of grief with warmth, care, and compassion.

Honoring different forms of grief with warmth, care and compassion

This reading was facilitated by Sanya Bagga, Sanjana Sarin and Shruti Doss

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